


If I look in your eyes, I'll want you to hold me

by MeanderingMotivation



Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Ambiguous/Open Ending, Azula (Avatar) Redemption, Bipolar Disorder, F/F, Fluff and Angst, Humor, Recovery
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-03
Updated: 2020-07-03
Packaged: 2021-03-05 04:46:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,256
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25048630
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MeanderingMotivation/pseuds/MeanderingMotivation
Summary: Fresh from a mental break-down, Azula isn’t quite ready for forming any truly meaningful relationships yet. She just wants to continue her recovery, and return to some sense of normalcy.Ty Lee, of course, has other plans.
Relationships: Azula/Ty Lee (Avatar)
Comments: 5
Kudos: 157





	If I look in your eyes, I'll want you to hold me

**Author's Note:**

> Re-watched ATLA on Netflix, and finally realised why I enjoyed Ty Lee and Azula’s interactions so much as a kid (spoiler alert: uninformed child me was low-key shipping them this whole time) and although Korrasami is my favourite ship from the entire Avatar series, I really like the idea of these two in a pairing, albeit a safe and sane one because I’m a sucker for soft bi babies 🥰
> 
> Please enjoy reading!

* * *

She takes medication at night, but still feels the side-effects during the day. Drowsiness, hunger, the slight shakiness of the hand…all of it is new and unpleasant, but a far better alternative than the repercussions she’d faced when she wasn’t medicated.

Azula had been sceptical of medication, at first. She’d been sceptical of any kind of treatment, and had been downright difficult in most regards. Even when she’d been admitted to the mental hospital, it had taken her months to finally be receptive to any kind of treatment or group therapy. There had been a lot of frustrated fits and losses of temper, but a year on now…she was finally returning to a stable state she hadn’t experienced since childhood.

Of course, it all had to be constantly maintained. The medications, the weekly counselling sessions, the regular meet-ups with her case-worker…it wasn’t like she had any family to rely on.

Only Zuko, really, and Azula was too prideful to keep in regular contact with him. She was still stewing in spite over how _happy and successful_ her dumb older brother was now, whilst she was reduced to nothing more than some broke, community college student with no prospects…

She’d had a scholarship to one of the most _prestigious_ universities in the country! Studying there was bound to set her up for a high-paying, influential job, and she’d have the bragging rights of being the most successful member of their family! She’d have a fancy apartment, a handsome (and obedient) husband, and overall, a perfectly luxurious lifestyle. Her life had essentially been planned out, and with her prodigious mind and impressive self-control, there should have been no deviations from its path-

But then bipolar disorder had to come along and disrupt everything. Azula had never been the nicest person, but the disorder had only amplified her faults, and after confusing mood swings which had terrorised her for years, she’d suffered from a psychotic episode, which had landed her in hospital. The diagnosis had only came after she’d been assessed by professionals, but it had taken her a long time to accept it, because…

Azula wanted to be perfect. She _had_ to be perfect. Father wouldn’t love her otherwise, and it wasn’t like mother ever really looked away from her _precious firstborn_ to send her anything more than a concerned glance…

The loss of control was humiliating. Her current _life_ was humiliating. She could only resolve herself to working her way back to her former glory, _without_ compromising her physical or mental health again. There was no point achieving her goals if she wasn’t sane enough to appreciate it.

Baby steps. A slow, but steady, progress. Stick to the schedule, take her meds, _focus._ Get in touch with her mental health worker if she felt herself slipping into a manic or depressive episode. It would be hard (and humbling) but she _could_ do it. She may not have been ‘perfect Azula’ anymore, but she was still a stubborn woman who wasn’t afraid to work hard to achieve her means.

She woke up in the mornings. She went to the gym. She attended a nearby college and worked at a local café when she wasn’t at class. She attended all of her meetings with her case worker, she never missed a session with her counsellor. She didn’t skip her meds, and she kept on top of all of the ‘self-care’ rituals she’d come to rely on for further stability.

It was a routine. It was tried and tested. It was what she needed, to keep moving forward. It had been hard at first, having so much independence after being released from the hospital, but she was beginning to appreciate a sense of normalcy, even if it was a little banal for her tastes.

Boring was safe. She needed the predictability. No disruptions to this organised life of hers. She’d lost control once, and she didn’t want to repeat the experience.

But then there was Ty Lee.

* * *

Azula didn’t cringe outwardly. It was a disgusting expression, but in the privacy of her own mind…she did it often.

Most frequently, when she remembered her first meeting with her childhood friend, Ty Lee.

They’d shared a dormitory with other girls at the boarding school they’d all been sent to, and even at the tender age of six, Azula had been ruthlessly competitive, and spiteful towards anyone else who could upstage her. She’d wanted to impress her father, and shame Zuko in any form possible.

It had been some tedious opening day for the parents to view the facilities. Her mother and father had been given a personal tour by the headmaster, and Azula had met with some of her prospective peers. One of the girls had only been distinguishable from her sisters by the pink ribbons in her hair, and she’d been bouncing around the grassed area as the parents mingled, a dreary looking girl observing with a flat expression.

Azula had never underestimated the importance of friends, even if she’d come to regard them as more lackeys during her teenage years. She was a social person. But...she’d _always_ underestimated the importance of kindness and empathy.

Even back then, the pair had stood out from the rest. Confident enough to stray from their parent’s sides, and demonstrating a proficiency in befriending others. Azula only had to watch them for a couple of minutes to deem them _worthy._

After introductions, they’d ended up playing, like children did. Azula had happily shown them her cartwheeling, and when Ty Lee had followed suit, performing the act in a notably superior fashion-

She’d pushed her.

She’d _pushed_ Ty Lee.

And since that moment, Azula had never stopped pushing her. Whether it was physically at a party, when Ty Lee had looked prettier than her, or emotionally, Azula…

Ty Lee was always so sweet. Sure, she could be air-headed and insipid, flirtatious and vain, but…

She was a good person, and she was the _only_ person Azula truly missed.

Which was why Azula reacted the way she did when she saw her again, so unexpectedly.

* * *

Of course, Azula sees her again when she looks and feels like shit.

Slightly bloated from over-eating at lunch (one of her medication’s makes her hungry) and with bags underneath her eyes from staying up all night to complete an assignment, she’s dressed in her revolting green uniform, stiffly fulfilling coffee orders at the machine in the café. She’d initially been hired as a cashier, but apparently her gaze had been _‘too intimidating’_ and she didn’t give off a _‘welcoming vibe’,_ fortunately her quick-learning had landed her a spot making coffees and other beverages, otherwise she would have been searching for another job. Apparently having little to no experience in part-times jobs was a big deterrent for prospective employers. Azula had never sullied her hands in such a casual role before, having spent her teenage years completing paperwork at her father’s law firm. Now in her twenties…this was the first real job she’d ever held.

She’d been stupidly privileged.

She should have suspected it was Ty Lee, just from the ridiculous order. Some colourful, sugar-ridden frappe that the café is doing a special on. Irritatingly intricate to make, with whipped cream and coloured sprinkles. By the time she’s finished, and turning around with the (environmentally friendly, the customer had brought their own) cup, she’s faced with a ~~unfairly~~ _breathtakingly beautiful_ face, so familiar that her chest _hurts,_ even as anxiety spikes in her veins.

“Azula,” Ty Lee breathes, blinking in surprise. Her eyelashes are as long as ever, spruiked carefully with that mascara Azula can practically _visualise_ from the nights they had spent together doing one another’s make-up, getting ready to go out, back when she wasn’t some _failure-_

Despite knowing Ty Lee’s nature, Azula still fears she will gloat. How pathetic she must seem, looking so downtrodden and working in some nameless café, Ty Lee wouldn’t be remiss for taunting her, especially considering how cruel Azula had been to her in the past-

“I can’t believe it’s you!” Ty Lee says excitedly, a wide smile spreading across her face. She reaches out and accepts the drink, and Azula’s skin buzzes at the brush of their hands meeting. “I’ve been trying to get in contact with you for _months,_ but you deactivated all of your social media, and changed your phone number, and none of your family would tell me where you went, and-“

She’s rambling. It’s always been cute. Azula had always enjoyed hearing her go on her little spiels-

“I just missed you _so much!”_ Azula gets the impression that Ty Lee is tempted to launch herself over the counter entirely, and she shudders at the mere notion, at the idea of being hugged in what seems like _years_ , Ty Lee’s deceptively skinny arms wrapped around her…

Azula has always been so articulate. Good at making speeches, able to terrify and inspire in equal measures depending on what words she uses, how she pitches her voice, but in this moment…

She’s rendered utterly speechless.

But Ty Lee doesn’t seem to notice. She’s too wrapped up in her own elation. Which confuses Azula, because after how she treated her former best friend, how could Ty Lee even stand to be in the same room as her? Why hadn’t she tossed her ridiculously complicated frappe in her face already? She’d deserve it. She’d _more_ than deserve it. She kind of hopes Ty Lee will do it, just so one of her predictions isn’t proven wrong again. So she feels like she has some semblance of control in the situation.

“Nothing has been the same without you, Azula! I have nobody to go shopping with, I’m totally behind on all of the Netflix shows we used to watch together, and it’s _impossible_ to find good company these days-“

“What about Mai?” The words are out of her mouth, unbidden, before she can stop herself. All of this time, she’d assumed the two females had moved on without her, and hadn’t bothered to spare her more than a second thought, but-

“I hang out with Mai, but it isn’t the same as being with you,” Ty Lee replied, immediately. “She’s so boring sometimes, and you always know how to make me laugh!”

_The last time I saw you,_ Azula thinks, _I made you cry._ She could still picture her pretty face, twisted into such a morose expression, fat teardrops dripping down those still slightly round cheeks…

How could Ty Lee _miss_ that?

“Azula!” The cashier suddenly snapped, drawing her attention away from the beaming woman. “Flat white, and an expresso!”

“Wow, his aura is totally flat and dingy,” Ty Lee shot the adolescent worker a slight frown, before turning another draw-droppingly gorgeous smile at Azula. “I don’t want you to get fired, though. How about I give you my number and you can call me later? Oh, I bet you don’t have your phone on you when you’re working! Wait…” Ty Lee fumbled in her cutesy pink handbag. It’s the kind of design Azula would never dream of favouring, but with Ty Lee…it just _works._ “Aha!” She crows, pulling out a sparkly, feathery pen. It’s so… _extra._ So inherently _her._ Azula is almost dizzy with a fond familiarity. She can only watch (feeling the disapproving glare of the cashier) as Ty Lee scribbles down her number in looping cursive onto a napkin, raising it to her lips, briefly, to smack a kiss in the centre. It’s a signature part of communication between them. Ty Lee had always signed her notes like this, ever since they were children, back when it had been cheap lip-gloss and not a peachy lipstick. _Before_ the innocent act had sent Azula’s dead heart racing. She numbly accepts the soft napkin pressed into her hand, her traitorous heart only beating faster when Ty Lee flips her ponytail, sending her another lovely smile. “We should get together. Catch-up, watch Legally Blonde.”

Legally Blonde. The movie they had always watched together during their sleepovers. They could _quote_ Elle Wood’s iconic lines. It had always been a film that satisfied both of their tastes, even when they grew up.

Azula doesn’t even have a chance to speak before Ty Lee is skipping out of the store, flicking a pair of rounded sunglasses over her face. She doesn’t have a chance to process, before her supervisor is approaching (summoned by the cashier who had evidently not appreciated having their aura called ‘dingy’) demanding that she _‘get back to work’._ She barely has enough time to slip the napkin into her pocket, before it’s confiscated and binned. She’s on thin ice now, and she _needs_ this job.

She focuses on calming herself as she continues with her work, performing a breathing exercise, and keeping her thoughts as measured as possible. She’ll probably have to call her counsellor after work, just for a debrief and discussion. She wasn’t _ready_ for reconnecting with old faces, or socialising. She was taking baby-steps in her progress. She was being _responsible._

But there was Ty Lee.

There was Ty Lee, and how she made Azula feel. How she made her _yearn_ for the things she’d convinced herself she didn’t want. That she _didn’t need._

How to proceed?

It seemed to be out of Azula’s hands. But maybe…

Allowing Ty Lee a modicum of control in their relationship, for the first time in their lives, might be a good thing, and a worthwhile prospect.

* * *

**Author's Note:**

> Well, that’s the end of this short one-shot. Open-ended, but optimistic. I might add more one day, but we’ll see. 
> 
> In regards to Azula having bipolar disorder in this, I myself do not have bipolar disorder, so I kind of asked a friend of mine a little bit about their experiences so I could get a better sort of understanding about depressive episodes, mania, and psychosis. My brief mention of this disorder is in no way meant to be indicative of the whole illness as a whole. I know that all experiences differ with each person 😊 
> 
> I hope anyone reading this enjoyed it, even if just slightly. 💗💗
> 
> (Note: The title for this was taken from a Hayley Kiyoko song.)


End file.
